Dead Conversation

So, am gonna write this here right now.

A lot has been happened in my life this year, the pandemic makes us look through every aspect of our life, self-reflection. I’ve been doing this, the up and the down.

New illness, new project, new challenge. I tried to not get shocked about it all. It has happened, and I should embrace it. No more denial like what I did in the past, the time when I struggled with my sexual orientation and my demon. Been seeing life from every angle, about lost, sadness, and happiness. It is not easy to keep myself reaching for the right feeling. I often get numb, and suddenly emotionless.

I am thinking that everything has turned so clear these days, I really got myself free from every dark thought I used to think about. I have friends and close friends to talk to, and time has given me choices whether to leave the dead conversation or not. I chose to leave.

I’m planning to get into new project, away from the distraction, it would be hard since my old problem got back often these months. I need to see psychologist to talk about it though. No, not the depression, it’s under control, it’s about how often I can’t handle my ADHD/ADD symptoms lately. It’s sickening.

I’ll be away for awhile, not fully away, I may check the notification and reply comment.

Thank you.

Jakarta, August 13, 2020
Xoxo, Astri Pam /Ayase.