A close friend asked me,
“What are you looking for? You drag them down to the lowest, but you never give even a little bit of your heart? What are you searching for?”
I stayed in silence,
then she told me,
“you ARE looking for the excitement, aren’t you?”
I nodded,
“I think you already know what the answer than myself.”
She listened.
“I want to feel it again, the excitement, the affection, and how my heart beats fast every time they show passion in them. How it’s sparkling inside my chest. I’ve been looking for what we called ‘falling so deep, feeling too deep’ in every stranger coz I’ve been numb to all the emotion.”
She looked at my eyes.
“I take what they gave, I take advantages from them. I copied their emotions, I showed the version of me that they want to see. I laugh, I cry, I touch but it still ain’t me, it’s still a fake emotion I imitate. It’s not genuine at all.”
Then she showed pity on me.
“All I want is to be a human again.”
For a moment, we got silence crept on the atmosphere,
I held my head with my both hands,
I tried to feel the feeling I failed to feel.
Jakarta, March 06, 2018
– Ayase Kim
**Behind the story: Real Conversation between my close friend and I.
Endless Street 
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